Intro to BDSM


BDSM is an acronym for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Submission & Masochism

What is BDSM?

BDSM focuses on consensual and healthy play. The general idea of BDSM is that two partners engage in roles where one person is generally a submissive who receives pain or is in bondage of some sort or performs services for the other. The other person is in a dominant role who extends pains and punishment or puts the submissive in bondage or makes the submissive perform services for him/her. All in which both receive pleasure in the role they play.


Common BDSM activities include but aren’t limited to the following:


   • Bondage and restraints (Cuffs, ties, bondage tape, blindfolds, gags, rope knots. breast bondage, and plastic wrap)

   • Impact play (Spanking, paddling, crops, and hitting)

   • Service (Where the submissive performs actions for the dominant)

   • Discipline (Reward or punishment for following or disobeying instructions)

   • Orgasm control — learn about orgasm denial and control

   • Roleplaying (Daddy/daughter, teacher/student et cetera) 


BDSM often makes people believe in that it is a total power exchange and can be extremely hardcore, however, BDSM can be as hardcore as you want to be or not to be. For example, you may have already engaged in bondage if you’ve ever placed your partner into fuzzy handcuffs or have been blindfolded. One of the joys of BDSM is figuring out what you’re interested in and potentially even pushing those boundaries, and many couples may practice less intense BDSM activities more frequently than the extreme ones.

**BDSM is not abuse. The key difference is consent. Some activities can include hurting someone, but they’re desired and consented to by both parties participating. And both parties are intended to benefit from it. While submissive's may appear powerless, this is not the case as he or she can use a safe word at any time to halt a scene. **

There may be many reasons that BDSM is appealing as there are people who find themselves desiring a Fifty Shades of Grey style sexual experience. You might be surprised who is into BDSM, but it’s incredibly common — research has found that a majority of people fantasized about BDSM themes and another study found that nearly half of all people had experimented with it— and can be quite healthy.

How to Introduce BDSM to your partnership?

Here are 3 steps to make it easier:


1. Communicate before or during arousal: If you feel comfortable enough to maintain an open line of communication with your partner then you should bring up your interest in trying BDSM before either of you become aroused. Sit down and discuss what you are willing to do, want to do, and what your partner is comfortable with. Make sure both parties are consenting.


Many know that arousal lowers inhibitions and can make us more receptive to sexual suggestions, however, you never want to use this as a means to make someone say yes. If you decide to bring up the topic during arousal then phrase your desires in ways like:


     “I would love to try this…”

     “I want you to try…. on me.”

     “I think ____ would feel great if you want to try it with me?”


2. Start slow and build up: We suggest starting with baby steps. For example, you might request a spanking rather than jumping into using a whip. Or you might want to try handcuffs or rope tying your wrists before being hog tied or fully restrained. You can simply start with a blindfold and play with teasing your partner with temperature play or sensation play (i.e. feathers, ticklers, etc.) This gives you plenty of time to get accustomed and acclimated to the activities you’re doing. Knowing that you’ll be trying things step-by-step instead of all at once can reassure a reluctant partner. Discussing with your partner how you both can remain safe while exploring your boundaries might also help overcome reluctance in engaging in BDSM.


3. Create safe words: Create safe words for identifying when something is too much or not enough.

Ex:

    Colors:

    Green= I’m ok, you can give me more

    Yellow=Slow down or pause

    Red= Stop


    Tapping:

    1 Tap= I’m ok, you can give me more

    2 Taps= Slow down or pause

    3 Taps= Stop


With every new desire you try, discuss how it went, what it felt like, would you do it again? If you don’t want to do it again, then that is ok!

Safety in BDSM

Safety, both physical and emotional, is of the utmost importance in a BDSM scene, where there is the possibility of drawing blood, cutting off circulation along with any other potential bodily harm. It’s recommended that you always have an easy way out of a scene in the event of an emergency. The key to cuffs should be nearby, and paramedic scissors are always helpful. Never bind something with silk, which can tighten and cut off circulation.

Aftercare

Another element of safety in BDSM play is aftercare. Aftercare refers to any activities that help you reconnect after a scene and safely ease back into the “real” world.

Cuddling is a common form of aftercare, as is having a snack and drink. Some people provide sports drinks for their partners to help replenish electrolytes. A warm blanket or your favorite movie might be your ideal type of aftercare. Focus on activities that help to soothe your mind and body after a scene.


"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me."- Rihanna